Crossroads Of a Meandering Thought

I've never been able to let go.  Problems of the past swirl around my soul like spirits of the netherworld. Love ferments in my dreams stifling my sleep.  I put the weight of the world's problems on my shoulders.  Cursing myself in the shower on why I would make such mistakes today, or why I couldn't of just said the right thing in that moment.  I'm a student of human nature who refuses to let myself be human.  Doomed to a life of wondering what more could I have done, and weighed heavy by the awareness of the true answer to that.  My desire to be good hinders my ability to move on.  Consumed by the vision of beauty behind the macabre.  Only to be dragged underneath in the dirt and mud feeling sorry for the very decision I made.  This forever loop predicates my fear of being alone, yet fully submerging myself in loneliness.  Placing a mask over my head as I walk out, letting unsuspecting creatures only see what the chameleon wants.  To never commit to love will neither heal or damage the heart that only forever longs.  Longing after some moment that only I determine won't, can't happen.  Nothing is up to me.  Why do I feel this way, sometimes the happiest of people can see a flower in the flame yet gets lost in the ash.  


Comments

  1. Laura KunkelMay 8, 2019 at 9:43 AM

    Now that’s the Tim Zimm I missed reading. I can relate, in much less beautiful descriptions.

    ReplyDelete

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