Ode to Table of 1 *post from December*

Ode to the Otherside

Part of my thought process in this blog initially this year was not just to tell other people stories in my own words (in which I didn't achieve at all but hey there's always 2020). But also talk about the other side of Divorce, or the other side of Parenthood, maybe even the other side of Love. Not to say Moms get the majority of the play or the majority of the prose but their tales of woe are often much more heartfelt or deserving a monomentus amounts of praise because being a Mom is by far the hardest line of work. Dad's don't necessarily get shafted persay but beyond Bambi generally in most movies when a parent has to die or leave it's generally the father. See case study of any Wes Anderson movie also see such Disney movies not unlike Lion King. But I digress that's not what I really want to yap about today. How about the otherside of single.

A lot of times, I get a question or passing glance as to why I am not living the bachelor life or the numerous amounts of married friends I have that want to live vicariously through me only to watch them disappointment grip their face as I explain how Friday night I had to run to the grocery store because I use my last Tide Pod the weekend before.  And the only shots I'm doing are the screen kind as I pass up a funny meme. I remind myself in those moments that It's only been really over a year and half regardless how fast or slow some folks can move on. And it's not to say that I'm refusing to "move along now" or wallowing in self pity of relationships past. More along the lines of how can I expect to want to be with someone else when I'm not quite where I want to be.  My evenings that are filled with workouts, or hikes, or lying in bed reading are meant to be reminders that I can be with myself and the thoughts that fly around my head.  If said thoughts can ram past the constant stream of music that are always playing no matter where I'm at.  This otherside of single that i feel hardly get touched upon is the idea of me. I can joke and bemuse about the woes of dating and the number of jams i've gotten myself into over my tenure of being single of which I'll save for another day.  It's those moments that lie between the dates that make or break the future.  As my previous relationship dissolved I made a vow to not be reliant upon someone else's stake to determine my appreciation.  I hesitate to say happiness there because i've never let someone dim my mood but I have let others dim my spirit and that's far more damaging.

So this singlehood filled with laundry and groceries as mundane and ill fitting it would seem for a 35 year old bachelor who lives moments away from downtown it aligns with my spirit.  For the bulk of my life I have always pursued making myself better, and by doing what's right.  Two things that for some are hard to fully realize.  So for all the nights I could have gone bar hopping, ubered home with a girl in hand, for likely a very forgettable night I've opted to wait. To let things come. Not rush life as if it has some significant expiration date.  And by doing that I have created a laundry list of memories that I get to carry with me that only would of happened since it was just me. And as 2020 gets closer and closer, I can let fate and faith seek me out and if tomorrow I walk through the door and love slaps me in the face, I'll turn the other cheek.

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